One
The past few weeks have been rather eventful in my life. Six weeks ago, a church “intervention” weekend proved to be one of the greatest “gut checks” I ever experienced. Three weeks ago, I spent a couple days on the coast with a group of 150+ senior adults sharing the lessons the Lord taught me over a ten year period of “burn out.” Just yesterday, I crossed the finish line of a four year leadership commitment to our regional network that was anything but routine. These recent events either required or invited some personal reflection which stirred up memories of deep darkness and the familiar feeling of being all alone. What a blessing it has been!
The exercise of sharing and reflecting on this season in life is produced a startling reality: I was not alone! The demons with which I wrestled are not unlike those that we all battle. As I share my story and listen to others these days, I am discovering that I was, and am, never alone! A deep seated fear of failure, a misplaced sense of responsibility, questions of faith, doubts about God, and an ominous sense of regret seem to be quite common in the lives of many Christ followers. But, why do we feel like these things are so unique in our lives?
One of the reasons I think we feel isolated and alone wrestling with our secrets is that we seldom hear anyone struggling with anything! We learn to pretend that all is well in life by watching people we look up to such as our parents, teachers, coaches, mentors, and others. People in positions of authority and responsibility view transparency as a window into their own weakness and refuse to draw back the drapes to model anything healthy in terms of dealing with trials and trouble. Unfortunately, the refusal to disclose such “secrets” disposes the next generation to the same miserable cycles.
However, there is hope! In Off Road Disciplines: Spiritual Adventures of Missional Leaders, Dan Kreps writes, “…much of this book is informed by my own shortcomings. Some friends are uncomfortable with this aspect of my writing, but I feel that the only way to rob these issues of power is to tell their stories and convert them to learnings.” How true!! But, that kind of life has to be lived in a community that is safe, non-judgmental, and willing to work through life together. So, here is where I need your help.
I need to hear from you whether it is out of your own personal experience or your observations. What are the “stickiest” issues in life? In other words, what are the problems that, when encountered, typically make us feel like we are the only one on the planet that is dealing with them? If we were convinced that our words would be received by those who have walked, or are walking, through similar problems, what struggles in life would we be relieved to expose and rob of their power in our lives?
Really, I need your feedback. Feel free to comment here, or on the Northside Baptist Church fan page if you have a Facebook account. Go to the fan page and click on the “Discussions” tab and then on the topic “I Though I was the Only One.” Your comments will help me as I prepare to teach, inspire, and direct in the new year.
Blessings to you all,
tim
November 16th, 2009 at 10:28 am
Yesterday was a great day. As we confessed and prayed I was reminded that not only are our sins all of our sins because we are one in Christ, but they are our sins because we all tend to have the same sins! I could have echoed every word that was spoken yesterday. We are not alone in our struggles, neither will we be alone in our rejoicing as God forgives and purifies us.
But I have an issue with joy. And who, of all people, ought to be joyful but Christians? Yet I can make myself miserable for any reason I can think of - circumstances, relationships, places. And God is good to me! He took care of my soul’s greatest need and still he takes care of my lesser needs in an extravagant way. Still, happiness seems unattainable.
I struggle with self-esteem. Satan tells me that nobody likes me, that people are only my friend because they have to be, that when I open myself up to someone I’m too shocking/honest to be well received. I’ve gotten the feeling that others recoil as I share myself. At those times I feel alone and as if there is no one to save me from a miserable, lonely life. Even Christ my refuge doesn’t feel like much of one at those times - he has to be my friend too! Silly, I know. But at those times it’s hard to speak truth to myself.